One of the many discussions we’ve being having recently at Monochrome towers is that of the Enterprise space. Normally the commentary we have is that of:

“WTF does Enterprise mean?”

Generally, we come back to the same thing.  Big business likes to call itself “Enterprise” because it somehow makes what they’re talking about more important.  By saying you’re building an Enterprise application somehow makes it better, even though the requirements may be identical to that of a smaller non-enterprise company.

Now, let’s slide this back a bit and take a look at software.  There’s a whole raft of stuff out there in the software market that calls itself “Enterprise” with no real definition of what this actually means.  Usually, you’ll see the same thing, i.e. a couple of extra features, slightly better performance, and a MUCH higher price tag.  Just like the wedding market:

So, what do you actually get for your money?  Usually it’s not much, as you can’t really buy real enterprise level services off the shelf.

But this then raises the question – what are enterprise level services?

In my mind, these are the things that don’t necessarily some in the shrink-wrapped box.  Let’s, for a moment, take the example of Snap-on tools.  Whilst they aren’t normally referred to as an enterprise service, I believe they are a good example of one.  Snap-on, on a basic level, manufacture tools for the motor trade.  You go to them and buy one of their socket sets, or whatever else may offer.  Now, this is exactly what you can do at any auto-factor anywhere on the planet. However, Snap-on are more expensive.

So what makes Snap-on a good analogy for the enterprise?

Well, for a minute, put yourself in the shoes of the guy using the tools.  One day, your tool will fail. One day it will break, and you’ll need to either use a workaround, or down tools and try and get hold of a new one.  This could mean lost money, a trip down to the auto-factor’s again for something potentially out of stock, or something worse like an unhappy client.

This is where the enterprise support of Snap-on steps in and justifies it’s extra cost.  Your tool fails, and you’re stuck.  So you give your local Snap-on dealer a call (which are all mobile based), and he comes round and gives you a replacement tool free of charge.  You then carry on with your work and go home happy.

Therefore, in my eyes, Enterprise means that you are buying a service, not a price-tag.  You’re buying something that means you won’t lose out at any point, or that someone else will worry about keeping something functioning.  You’re basically paying an insurance policy against having to worry about anything.

This leads me to believe that we’re suffering from the effects of those f**kwits known as marketing departments who sit there spouting their mar-bollocks trying to peddle their crap.  Unfortunately to a marketer, sticking Enterprise on the name means they can charge five times as much as provide much the same thing.

So, next time you’re buying Enterprise, consider the price hike you’re being nailed with and have a serious think about what you’re actually getting for your money.

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